Every Night I Board this Train

Every Night, I board this train,
Leads to Nothing, but frustration & pain;
Flashbacks, memories & unwanted past,
No idea, how long this will last.


I once had such thoughts,
But now the thoughts control me,
This me, Nobody can see.
My mouth is open, but the heart refrains,
Months pass by, but the thoughts remain,
I may act normal, but my mind's insane!
Every Night, I board this train,
Leads to Nothing, but frustration & pain;
Flashbacks, memories & unwanted past,
No idea, how long this will last.


There with y'all, but I'm not;
Zoned out, I keep thinking deep,
My mind can't kick out these thoughts,
So I keep 'em till I sleep!
I feel like Running away!
Away, from Everything & Everyone
Abandon all, and disappear forever,
Where no one can find me ever!
Look, I don't generate these thoughts intentionally,
Bcoz there's nothing to lose, or nothing to gain,
Every Night, I board this train,
Leads to Nothing, but frustration & pain;
Flashbacks, memories & unwanted past,
No Idea, how long this will last.


What have I become?
When my body goes numb.
My sleep is asleep, & my eyes weep.
I put my earphones on, and I hear things,
I close my eyes, but still I see things.
I fear that no one will listen,
Even if I try to shout,
Now all I have is negativity & self-doubt.
My mind does this journey too often,
Past to present, and present to past,
Where everything appears to happen so fast,
I try to catch up, but I'm left behind,
With my soul, full of negativity,
AND A FUCKIN' ROTTEN BRAIN!
Every Night, I board this train,
Leads to Nothing, but frustration & pain;
Flashbacks, memories & unwanted past,
No Idea, how long this will last.


                                                              -Aman Mody